I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize