I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
