i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
