Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
