fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
