Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
