I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
