and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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