You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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