there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
