my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
