Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
