so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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