I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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