Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
