I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were trust falling into bushes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
