I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
