I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
