i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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