Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
