Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
