i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
