he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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