Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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