she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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