I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
