I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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