I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
