i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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