I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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