they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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