No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
