i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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