just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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