dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
