We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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