they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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