it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do herpes really smell.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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