I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
