that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
