The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
