You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
