Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
