I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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