i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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