I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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