Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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