she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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