Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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