I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
