I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
