he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize