glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
