it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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