It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
