I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
