I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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