I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
