They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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