Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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