is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
