I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
