Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
