I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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