At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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